The Rick For Mayor Clampaign Team!

It is with the greatest of pleasure and the keenest of excitement that I, Rick the Clam, would like to announce my clampaign team for the 2014 Toronto Mayoral Election. Fantastic!

CLAMPAIGN MANAGER

Firstly, and probably the most important of all, my clampaign manager. You know him as the former diplomat and Canadian ambassador to Iran, Ken Taylor! Ken brings a wealth of knowledge to the campaign and has hit the ground running with his 'Rick puts the 'us' in 'mollusc'' catch-phrase. Knowing how to get out of tight corners with a smile, a wink and 'how d'you do', Ken is a pleasure to know and has committed all of his time for the next few years, to backing my forthcoming mayoralty. A graduate of U of T, and U of California, Berkely, Ken is easily the smartest of the Taylor family and makes a formidable opponent to his chief rival, Doug Ford, easily the smartest in his. Welcome, Ken!

 
PRESS SECRETARY & SPEECH WRITER

Next, on to my chief press secretary & time manager. I had to think long and hard on this one. I didn't just want some hack journalist with the 'right' connections. I wanted someone smart, funny and civic minded. That's why I have enlisted the aid of  Canadian author, essayist and President of PEN International, John Ralston Saul! What he lacks in media savvy he more than makes up for with long words that confuse people. Think you can twist what I have to say? First you're gonna have to understand it! Welcome, John!

FUND RAISER

Nobody can run an effective political clampaign without the funds to do it. I have never had a dime so you can  imagine what an important job being my fund-raiser will be. That's why I decided to go with the very first man to approach me with the idea. Garth Drabinsky! Now, I know Garth has had his troubles and some would wonder at my decision to trust him with all my money, but you know what? I am all about second chances and giving folks a hand when they get out is an excellent way to do that. Get used to his face, he'll probably be at your door. Welcome, Garth!

POLITICAL STRATEGIST

Speaking of second chances, no one deserves one more than someone who has run afoul of the government in Ottawa. Some see him as a villain, perhaps, but others see him as the guy who took it on the chin for his boss. It was political strategy at its best. That's why I asked Nigel Wright to work alongside me and guide me through my neophyte exploration of this complex milieu. ('Milieu'. Like that word? John gave it to me.) Nigel has the depth of knowledge and loyalty that I demand from all my team. Welcome, Nigel!

 
PERSONAL FITNESS TRAINER

Being a clam in the human world is not easy. It is going to take every bit of stamina and strength I can muster for the next few months and beyond. Not to mention my inability to breathe in the open air. I needed someone who would kick my admittedly lazy keester into gear and get me hale and healthy. And someone who also knows how to reverse the effects of oxygen starvation. Missy Franklin, fits that bill to a tee! This four time Olympic gold medalist in swimming also took first-place in my heart and it is great to have her on my team. Some might find it a sure recipe for disaster to have your girl-friend on your clampaign team, but I know Missy and she will stay the course even though I don't pay for dinner... like, ever. Welcome, Missy! Smooch!

 So, there you have it. Team Rick. Watch out candidates, you've got your work cut out for you!

Response to The Bored of Trade

Carol Wingding, President and CEO of the Toronto Area Bored of Trade says voters must "expect higher standards of performance" from their politicians. 

Well, I'm here to tell you that, as far I'm concerned at least, you can definitely expect the highest level of performance from me that a clam can give.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that, relatively speaking, my standards are higher than that of any other candidate. For instance, Carol mentions that we should spend more effort lessening the gap between the rich and the poor. Well, that's a no-brainer, right? And easily solved, too. We just give a lot of the rich people's money to the poor people. Problem solved.  It really isn't that hard, folks.

And I see that the Bored is launching it's  “Think Twice, Vote Once Campaign”. Well, I don't know about a 'campaign' but if it's a 'Clampaign' they're after, I'm their guy!And you don't even have to think twice about it!

Apparently they think that "little progress was made on priorities essential for the prosperity of Toronto and surrounding regions, including transportation, dealing with aging infrastructure, creating jobs..."

Yeah, really! Do you think so? Give me a break. Little progress was made on getting the mayor to stay straight for ten minutes! Or his opponents to stop laughing and dancing around with him on their 'dance breaks'. When they weren't screaming at each other or knocking each other over in the aisles that is. You would think they could have at least done some work while Mr. Mayor was making his daily apology to the media.  

Well, my peoples, that will stop with me I can assure you. First off, I have no legs so dancing around the council chamber will be out that's for sure. And as I will have to be in a glass aquarium in order to survive, that will cut down on my barging around smacking into the senior Councillors. And there's one thing you will never, ever see me doing and that's saying 'I'm sorry.' Or even 'I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really sorry'. Because you see folks, I will never have anything to say sorry for. I'm just a clam.

Vote for Rick. I put the 'us' in mollusc.

Off And Running

Well folks,

Let me tell you it has been one whirlwind of a couple of days for me and my handlers. First the submission of the nomination papers (signed by over four thousand bay dwellers including long-time friend and part-time Toronto resident Stephen King.) and then the candidacy press conference. Then the party at Missy's house that went on way, way too long and I'm really not the party type. My idea of a good time is to buckle down and put in a good 8 - 10 hours of work on my programs and agendas. When we down here at the beach say we're going to 'clam up' that usually means there's going to be lots of coffee and burning of midnight oil. We don't just show up when we feel like it unlike others I could name, hmm?

Soon we will be releasing the first of our platform statements and then you will get a first-hand look at how things are going to be after Oct.27. Believe me, you won't recognize Toronto when I'm done with it.

But up near the top of the agenda will be the following: the budget (I'm what you might call a fishcal conservative, ha-ha), transportation, education, recreation and law & order. 

My opponents better be on their toes, because not only will I be putting forward my own ideas, I will 

be questioning theirs!

Also, I will be announcing my campaign team in the next couple of days. 

Remember... a vote for a clam is a vote that shells out! Vote Rick!

Rick the Clam - A Brief Biography

Rick The Clam – a brief biography

   Although a Great Lakes bi-valve mollusc by birth, Rick can trace his roots back to Ming, the giant clam of the Arctica islandica species, caught off the coast of Iceland in 2007. Ming, so named by the scientists that studied him and gave him a home at the time, was eventually found to be over 500 years old! (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clam )

    

Rick’s paternal grandmother, Shelley, married to Ming for only one short year, migrated in 2008 from the cold shores of Iceland to the warmer climes of the Great Lakes, trapped aboard a fishing trawler that had accidentally caught her up in its cod nets.

   

 Working as a secretary to Warren Asperglum, the deputy assistant to the head of the Toronto Harbour Commission, she later met and fell in love with Asperglum’s young, homely son William at a beach party. The couple were wed in a scuba ceremony just off of Sunnyside Beach in Toronto in June of 2009. It wasn’t long before Shelley gave birth to Rick’s father, Gastro, shortly before she was eaten by a carp.

   

 Gastro was the first of the ‘two-eyed’ clams born in the metro area and it was owing to his foresight in taking up residence at the mouth of the Humber River that he soon became the dominant clam there. The rich nutrients flowing from this heavily polluted river accounted for Gastro’s amazing size and also his incredibly high rate of reproduction. Being the first ‘sighted’ clam provided both Gastro and his ensuing off-spring the rare ability to both survive and propagate. In fact, it was the birth of several thousand of Rick’s brothers and sisters that forced Rick to realize at an early age that he should move on if he wanted to stand out. It was at this time that he moved to the Cherry Beach area.

   

 An A-student and remarkable athlete, Rick did indeed become a ‘stand-out’ in the various schools that were scattered around the harbour. However, Rick found that his relatively sedate life, buried in the sandy bottom of the bay, didn’t afford him the opportunity he sought to help not only his own kind but his human relatives as well. This brought him to his decision to live a life of social activism and political involvement.

    

He volunteered, for a brief time, at the Daily Bread Food Bank where he was almost eaten and with various other charities around the city, work he found both rewarding and exciting but which also saddened him deeply. Rick also helped out at Leaside High School coaching the swim team there to several victories. He had to give it up though after being repeatedly stepped on. He spent time after this involved in municipal politics campaigning for both David Miller and later Rob Ford, not being able to decide exactly what his political positioning was. He later dropped out of the political scene as he was becoming more and more jaded with the process. He traveled to and spent several months on an island in Georgian Bay before a passing Large Mouth Bass brought him up to date on the terrible events of last year’s Mayoral debacle. Rick had had enough! It was then that he made his decision to go for it and run for the top job himself.

   

 Rick currently lives two hundred feet off Cherry Beach, is unmarried but is currently dating former Olympic swimmer, Missy Franklin. Rick also enjoys his hobby as an amateur sleuth and his part-time job as a small-engine repairman.

  

Rick the Clam declares his candidacy for Mayor of Toronto

Rick the Clam declares his candidacy

for Mayor of Toronto!

Rick the Clam says he's going to be the next Mayor of Toronto!