CLAMPAIGN MANAGER
Firstly, and probably the most important of all, my clampaign manager. You know him as the former diplomat and Canadian ambassador to Iran, Ken Taylor! Ken brings a wealth of knowledge to the campaign and has hit the ground running with his 'Rick puts the 'us' in 'mollusc'' catch-phrase. Knowing how to get out of tight corners with a smile, a wink and 'how d'you do', Ken is a pleasure to know and has committed all of his time for the next few years, to backing my forthcoming mayoralty. A graduate of U of T, and U of California, Berkely, Ken is easily the smartest of the Taylor family and makes a formidable opponent to his chief rival, Doug Ford, easily the smartest in his. Welcome, Ken!
PRESS SECRETARY & SPEECH WRITER
Next, on to my chief press secretary & time manager. I had to think long and hard on this one. I didn't just want some hack journalist with the 'right' connections. I wanted someone smart, funny and civic minded. That's why I have enlisted the aid of Canadian author, essayist and President of PEN International, John Ralston Saul! What he lacks in media savvy he more than makes up for with long words that confuse people. Think you can twist what I have to say? First you're gonna have to understand it! Welcome, John!
Nobody can run an effective political clampaign without the funds to do it. I have never had a dime so you can imagine what an important job being my fund-raiser will be. That's why I decided to go with the very first man to approach me with the idea. Garth Drabinsky! Now, I know Garth has had his troubles and some would wonder at my decision to trust him with all my money, but you know what? I am all about second chances and giving folks a hand when they get out is an excellent way to do that. Get used to his face, he'll probably be at your door. Welcome, Garth!
POLITICAL STRATEGIST
Speaking of second chances, no one deserves one more than someone who has run afoul of the government in Ottawa. Some see him as a villain, perhaps, but others see him as the guy who took it on the chin for his boss. It was political strategy at its best. That's why I asked Nigel Wright to work alongside me and guide me through my neophyte exploration of this complex milieu. ('Milieu'. Like that word? John gave it to me.) Nigel has the depth of knowledge and loyalty that I demand from all my team. Welcome, Nigel!
PERSONAL FITNESS TRAINER
Being a clam in the human world is not easy. It is going to take every bit of stamina and strength I can muster for the next few months and beyond. Not to mention my inability to breathe in the open air. I needed someone who would kick my admittedly lazy keester into gear and get me hale and healthy. And someone who also knows how to reverse the effects of oxygen starvation. Missy Franklin, fits that bill to a tee! This four time Olympic gold medalist in swimming also took first-place in my heart and it is great to have her on my team. Some might find it a sure recipe for disaster to have your girl-friend on your clampaign team, but I know Missy and she will stay the course even though I don't pay for dinner... like, ever. Welcome, Missy! Smooch!
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